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A lot of the older columns are no longer available online, but there is good news - you can get them all compiled in a neat little package, throne tested for your bathroom reading pleasure, in the book What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets. Right now you can get a 15% online discount if you enter the code Y8NYMDN4 in the "Options and Discounts" box when you check out.

The second volume, What I've Learned So Far... Part II: Angels, Chimps & Tater Mitts, will be coming out sometime later this spring.

The column below won the Erma Bombeck Award.

The Santa Clause

From the Law Offices of  Pimberton and Marlowe, PC

December 26, 2006

Mr. Kris Kringle
Chairman and CEO
St. Nicholas Enterprises, LLC
The North Pole

Dear Mr. Kringle,

As a senior partner here at Pimberton and Marlowe I’m writing to you as a follow-up to our pre-Christmas correspondence and our firm’s subsequent research.

A Perfect Christmas Day

6:15 AM – The bedroom door swings open and Todd Junior launches himself onto the bed screaming, “Mom! Dad! Wake Up! IT’S CHRISTMAS!”

Dad, who was assembling and wrapping toys until twenty minutes ago, can’t open his eyes, so he groans something fortunately unintelligible.

“I told him not to come in here,” shrieks Little Suzie from the doorway, nearly hitting that elusive B-above-high-C, and sending Bernie the Schnauzer into convulsions. “I told him he had to wait until the sun came up!”


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